Many women suffered or even lost their lives because of men’s over power. In the past decades, years & years a long, freedom seekers stood together to expose the truth of the promises of freedom & safety for women.
The Western World promised safety and freedom for all under the progression of modern civilization. In retrospect many women suffered or even lost their lives because of men’s over power. In the past decades, years & years a long, freedom seekers stood together to expose the truth of the promises of freedom & safety for women. Many times we have been moving backwards. Explicitly these days where violence is more normalised & accepted by many in the society. It has been desensitized by online propaganda, to push the patriarchal power structure at the cost of women and children to save fragile masculinity. I strongly align with a movement of women, children and men that reject this proposition with a belief of an alternative better world through education and dialogue. Out of this perspective, to show resilience & courage to resist, I share the personal story of my sister. A story deeply rooted in a humane perspective, and with a purpose to expose injustice triggered by misogyny and sexism.
This way I honour who she was & still is in my heart: a human being, a woman and a mother. I take steps in her shoes as a professional criminologist and social worker to change society for the better, every little step at the time. To make awareness to every individual who can be touched by the empathy of her story. I stand firmly for a safe future for young girls, for all kids, such as my late sisters’ daughter I raise. I use storytelling as part of a growing collective movement, that refuses toxic societal structures. It’s healing to tell my story, it’s rewarding to engage in real conversations and it’s purposeful when it leads to dialogue.
Surviving femicide as a family is a challenge. Experiencing the loss of my loving sister murdered by her partner changed my life in many aspects. It’s an extremely sad fate that overcame Clarinda, where she had to undergo a slow process of her love life turning into a prison and a controlling partner trying to own everything of hers: her heart, her love, her kindness, and everything that made her who she was. When she proved to be stronger than the coercion, reclaiming her personal space and life back, she tried to leave him, she paid for that decision with her life.
That’s a brutal reality to live in. Nobody ever should be trapped in this situation. It’s an invasive crime on human rights. And I was shocked when I learned worldwide that so many women have paid a massive toll for such an idiotic behaviour by men. Many of which aren’t rescued or helped, but blamed or shamed for being a victim, for the actions of their partner. Many women are denied the respect and dignity they deserve in society.
As Gisele Pelicot phrased it wisely “guilt and shame lies with the perpetrators”. This tragic happening wouldn’t be forgotten as a family incident, that would be another cover up of the actual problem. I’m determined to make people see patterns of behaviour, unequal mechanisms, understanding lies and lack of accountability taken. It’s a societal problem we have to acknowledge, face & resolve. And I feel it on my shoulders to be a step in this walk.
Anne-Marije van den Bersselaar
Researcher – Research Group on Violence Independent Relationships
March 2026
